I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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