did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i think im in europe. pls send help
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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