I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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