My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
