she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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