Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
