my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
