this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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