my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
