When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
