do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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