Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
