wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My balls are so social today.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
