he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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