i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
