He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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