yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
