ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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