think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
