Yo dont text me then not text me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
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I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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