I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
