i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
