her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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