I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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