i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
