if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
