god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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