just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
