That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
