Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
