we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
