So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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