Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
