I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
