idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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