it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
where am i from again
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
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While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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