I showed him my bush... on skype.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
