she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We need a shit load of segways right now
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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