It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
