An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
