I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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