ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
