I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
