I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
