Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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