To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize