I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
