Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Randomize
