i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
