i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
