i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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