Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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