shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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