this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
