Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
