The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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