Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
