I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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