God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
