I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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