nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
