Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
