so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
