there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
