I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
