I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
