Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize