being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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