I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
