I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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