I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
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Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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