Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
