It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
